Nax isn’t here anymore, but we’ve still got Bottoms

The other day, Alice.com released a list of the cities that spent the most per order on toilet paper from December 2010 to December 2011. While we didn’t make it on that list, we did make it on a related one.

You probably haven’t heard of Alice before now, which is what makes their list, and infographic to go with it, an impressive work of self-marketing.

Continue reading Nax isn’t here anymore, but we’ve still got Bottoms

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Like elections, the world is crazy and uncertain

The other day Gov. Rick Perry announced he was dropping out of the race for the Republican nomination for president, and made official what had been obvious before: I am not paid for my political prognostications.

“Look, unless Perry gets caught with a dead girl or live boy, he’s got the Republican nomination wrapped up. At this point, he could probably survive having to deny he has carnal knowledge of his pet sow,” some darn fool wrote back in September.

Continue reading Like elections, the world is crazy and uncertain

Urinating on the dead is a victimless war crime

The other day some U.S. Marines got into trouble when a video of them peeing on three dead men leaked onto the Internet, pun intended.

In itself, I don’t think this is an especially big deal, as you may have guessed.

Continue reading Urinating on the dead is a victimless war crime

A snowball’s chance is still a chance at least

The other day, the year began – anew! –  and everything old and constraining dropped off with the falling Times Square Ball, leaving us feeling unshackled by history for at least a moment while we decided whether to chain ourselves to the past once more, or go on with something fresh and unspoiled.

We tell ourselves this, and resolve to do this and that, but rarely ever do turn over a new leaf when we turn the calendar’s page, or take if off the wall.

It snowed last ’round Christmas, long ago it seems, and since then there have been days brisk but also hot and beaming with sun.

Yet still there’s snow out! Or ice, rather, from when the snow hugged against itself tight and promised to endure against a snowball’s chance in West Texas. There isn’t much, but it’s still there – proof you can’t get rid of last year so easy, proof nature and time and causal relationships aren’t subject to the whims of our minds’ attempt to organize delineations in our trips about our axis or around the sun.

Things tend to revert to their former state; forces prevail upon us and blow us in their direction unless we work constantly otherwise. Call this “habit.” Call it “wont”; call it “rut.” The snow is stubborn but by week’s end it’ll be gone entirely everywhere, because that’s how things happen here.

There’s no reason to wait until the beginning of the year to change things, except that it’s harder to say, “Next year,” than, “Tomorrow.” How often does that really matter, though? Time spills continuously over days and months and seasons. People are and do and keep on, but rarely really pivot.

But snow can hang on for nine days in the desert, if it tries very very hard. If it doesn’t last forever, at least it can last a while, which is good enough.

Our resolutions for the new year, that we pretend is different and unblemished, have a snowball’s chance of success when they run contrary to everything we’ve done so far and really want to do, rather than would like to want to do.

But hey, sometimes it’s worth it to try and endure as long as you can before all your resolves melt away.